ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
