So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
