She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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