I wannas sexs uuuuu
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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