We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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