I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
