just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
