so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
