dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
