That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
