Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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