im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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