Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
