just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
