If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
