I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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