did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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