Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
