who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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