Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The Olympian is in my bed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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