My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
