Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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