I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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