I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize