totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
