I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
