WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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