honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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