I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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