So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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