new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
