Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
sarcasm needs its own font
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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