I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
