just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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