who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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