I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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