Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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