I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i need some magic done to my vagina
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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