dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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