I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
