was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
