You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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