he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
