are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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