Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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