I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
