Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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