I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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