oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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