The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i wish my penis had a tongue
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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