I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
