Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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