you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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