hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
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I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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