he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
