Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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