I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
