dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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