those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
