flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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