Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
