drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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