What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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