you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
