Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
