so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
