hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
