Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
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