i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
