some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
did you just send me my own nude
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
