I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
