You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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