So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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