Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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