You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
